Hottest day of the year since records and time began

Last night I got to Cannon street and guess what all the trains into Kent were cancelled. Any announcements no any idea when they will be moving again. Nope that would be remotely useful to the hot and sweaty commuters. I gave up turned round and went down into the depths of hell (or the London underground as it’s known).   The Tube was free as the rail service was all cocked up.  So me and my intrepid travel buddy Andy made our way to St Pancras for the HS1.

When we got there we demanded a free upgrade as we bought a ticket of southeastern to get us home and again they were failing to do so. Why should we have to shell out £5 for their incompetence? The poor lady selling the tickets said we cannot do that we are not allowed. “That’s not good enough” was Andy’s response. “I can get the manager you can talk to him”. The call went out for Tony Ellis the train line manager at St Pancras and guess what he was not there. He chose the time when angry commuters were turning up at the station to go off and see how things were running at Stratford station. His job is to support the passengers and staff. How can he possibly do that if he is not there?

£5 later we were on the train heading home to get in 20 minutes later than we would have if the service was any good. To upset me some more that Southeastern PR machine stepped into high gear. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-13935739 “Commuters forcing Southeastern train doors cause delays” The gist of it is on the hottest day of the year so far a train stopped outside Dartford for 3 hours. 

After three hours the people opened the doors and went along the tracks to get some water and stop themselves from dying. If you locked a dog in a car on a summers day for three hours without a window open the RSPCA would be called. So maybe we should stop Southeastern from keeping any people for 5 years they obviously cannot look after them properly. The other thing is how bad is the line that having one train rail turned off in Dartford breaks every bloody train coming in and out of London.

I have my complaint form and will update the blog if I get any response from SouthEastern gobshites 

Nick.

 

State the obvious and not really give any info

At Cannon street this morning the announcer told us we were 10 minutes late.  This was due to 3 minutes stuck outside Orpington and 2 minutes delay in the Tonbridge area.

Ok so that’s 5 minutes covered where were the other 5 then?

Did they just disappear in the tear in the fabric of space and time around London Bridge?

He probably thinks that he is doing a fantastic job for Southeastern, informing the customer regularly of what is happening to their service. Sits back with a cup of tea and a smug grin and thinks that will make their lives better. I have follow procedure 345 in the keep everyone happy manual.

Well not really you just stated the bleeding obvious really; we know we were delayed at Orpington. We do this journey every day and when the train stops for no reason we notice, (oh that’s a new garden or warehouse I am staring at).

Just for a laugh why not have a go at telling us why.  And don’t use the “a car crashed into a bridge” one I have heard that so many times.

I think the reason is not stated because they don’t really know. They are surprised as us when a train turns up on time.

Nick.

Customer satisfaction 2

I managed to get a customer satisfaction survey on my train in this morning. So my paranoia was unjustified and SouthEastern are not watching me, unless they read my blog and realised I was on to them. I will keep my eye on any of the SouthEastern Stasi (revenue enforcement officers to give them their official name) who watch me for too long. If I disappear on the way to work would someone please come looking for me.

Anyway I had these 4 sheets of A4 stapled together in front of me. This is it I am going to tell you MoFo's what I really think of you!. A quick flit through revealed that there was nowhere to leave other comments it was just a multiple choice. I rummaged through my bag for a pen and began. I only had a blue pen with me not very subversive, so I am now packing a red pen in my bag just in case I get another survey, I will show you!.

The usual of little relevance questions followed "blah blah train cleanliness" blah helpfulness of staff, how safe do you feel" etc. But there was this gem which had me laughing at SouthEastern's delusional state. "Thinking of any journeys where there has been disruption. How do you feel SouthEastern solved the problem. " they had the usual options "very well" "not very" etc but these best option was. "No disruptions encountered" are you friggin joking is this option for people travelling for the first time without their mum for one stop on a off peak train, that's the only way you might travel on SouthEastern without any disruption.

Nick.

Tuesdays

So after yesterdays train sit-in just outside London Bridge. I thought today would be fine, but no.
We got to London bridge 10 minutes late, well I say got to, not actually at the station itself just outside. Waiting for another 5 minutes before getting to the station.
The conductor told us that we "were delayed due to catching multiple points of congestion on the inbound journey" what kind of double speak crap is that. We got stuck behind a slower train that's it nothing special.
In fact I would prefer it if the conductor spoke like the company feels. You know in a really slow single tone voice "we are delayed as its all shit" "but what you going to do we have you by the short and curlys" Southeastern fail again.

Mondays

So Southeastern have surpassed themselves to create a truly crap day of travel for me on Monday.
First off I had to buy a ticket for the week as I wasn't going to use a full month up there was a bit of a queue.
I thought I will use the ticket machine. Wrong that machine is so complicated that I lost my rag with it pretty quickly. If you want a day ticket no problem but a weekly you have to go through 10 steps only to be told there is no valid ticket for the area you selected. Sod it I will get in the queue. So I queue up with the rest of the poor souls who will have their wallet fleeced any second and buy my ticket.
I rush to the platform thinking I might just make it. As I run up the steps I cannot see the train WTF it should still be here but it's not. The just the train is half the size it usually is. I didn't get on that the trains are sweaty and crowded enough without it being half the size.
So i sat back in the cafe thing on the platform had my tea and waited for the next train. That will get me in on time if I hurry and it is on time. Guess what that didn't happen. 20 minutes late into Cannon street due to signalling problems. So got into work late but as everyone else commutes most were late anyway.

So I was about to leave when my mate Andy rang me to say don't bother coming to Cannon Street is closed but he didn't know why. Everyone was just stuck outside filling up the street and wondering what was going on. You have to love the communication from the rail companies. He wandered off to London Bridge to try his luck there. I had a look on the nationalrail.co.uk website and found that Cannon Street was closed due to a fire. How can a website be more up-to-date than the station itself.
I am pretty sure that the web site is an easily measurable way to inform without really doing it.
So the managers can say "well the trains were all ballsed up but the website told people within 2 seconds" like that is any help when you are standing outside the station wondering what the F%^k is going on, tossers.
I left work a bit later no point in rushing to the station to stand around I thought give them a hour to sort it out. I got to Cannon street and it was still closed people still just standing outside not a message on any board anywhere no staff visible we were just left to stand around. I was just about to slope off to London bridge muttering mother f%^kers not so quietly under my breath. When they opened the gates and everyone rushed in like there was a sale of iphone 4's.
I managed to barge my way in knocking nuns and old ladies over as I went to fin my train was at the platform already.
Result I thought its not as bad as it could be. I got on sat down and waited. In the heat (summer time its either minus 10 or + 30 sometimes even in the same carriage ). I was sitting there reading the paper when the driver announced "would the guard please contact the driver" never a good sign that. so 10 minutes past the leaving time of the train we were still sitting there. when the driver said the guard should be here soon he has been stuck at cannon street. Why oh why do we need a guard anyway, the doors shut on their own you either make it on the train or not the driver can stick his head out to make sure no muppets are stuck in the doors. Anyway the guard took 15 minutes to make it so we left late and got to Ashford even later.
SouthEastern fail again.

not really southeastern's fault

So I cannot really blame South Eastern for this little rant but its all part of the lovely rail system.
Last night I left the office a bit late and went to Cannon Street. Looked at the main board platform 7 for Ashford no problem got a minute no rush. Get to platform 7 the board said listen for announcements nothing about Ashford.
At this point 40 seconds to go so still no real rush. I thought I would ask one of the helpful train staff (can you see the sarcasm in print I am never sure). Me "is this the train to Ashford" moron in hi vis jacket at gate "yes mate you better hurry". I stick my ticket in the gate and run to the first carriage with open doors and jump on.
Train leaves at this point the scrolling message on the train starts to scroll. Calling at London bridge, "no problem" Rochester, Chatham "crap" ending up at Ramsgate "lying mo fo!".
So I had to jump off at London bridge and wait there for the real train to Ashford.
Like I say not Strictly South Eastern fault but still added to my already crap expensive journey home.

Not late (well only a little bit) just uncomfortable

So my train this morning was only 2 minutes late. But that was not my bugbear this morning. They must be wearing me down. No my problem with the train this morning is that it had square wheels. I am not joking it was the most uncomfortable journey I have had in a long time. I usually sit there with my cup of morning wake me up tea resting on the window but that jumped off to the floor as soon as we left Ashford. Making a nice spill on the floor but thankfully missing me. Now I know why the trains look so stained.
I sat there bouncing up and down trying my best to do the Sudoku filling in the squares I don't really know if I did it correctly as I couldn't read my own hand writing due to the pogo-ing train when I finished. So I moved onto my book. The third in the millennium series by Stieg Larsson girl who kicks arse or something (good book but don't expect any more the author only went and died). I gave up trying to read that as it was like I had contracted Parkinson's .
So to sum up the fair is extortionate the trains are 99% late but 98% on time if you use south eastern's scoring system, the seats are uncomfortable and built for people 5 foot and under and now they bounce all the way to London. SouthEastern fail.

Sneeky

So last week was a week without any real delays to speak of.
Same for most of this week except today 10 minutes late into Cannon Street "Due to congestion" Someone brought their own train again..
But then I looked back at my times arriving home last week and this week and realised that although it was only a few minutes here and there if you add it up you are looking at least 15 extra minutes of my life being snatched away by Southeastern per week.
It is amazing that even after they introduced the new timetable in the winter that added a extra 10 minutes to every journey they still manage to constantly fail to meet it.
It is a perfect case of Parkinson's Law "Work expands as to fill the time available for its completion". http://www.berglas.org/Articles/parkinsons_law.pdf worth a read for all you cynics out there

So to counter this the next timetable from Southcrapyeastern should chop of 20 minutes on every journey they the trains would be late but inside the original times.
It won't stop me complaining but it will give me back 15 minutes of my life a week.