Did you know that Britain has been as dry as the Mojave Desert?
No well it’s the only explanation that I can think of as to why Southeastern have been so consistently shite this week.
The first rains in a thousand years have completely codsed up the rail system.
It is Thursday any I have not yet this week been on a train that isn’t late.
On Wednesday they even cancelled the morning train due to the biblical floods we have been having. Or that they could be bothered why give a service when you have a monopoly that is subsidised and well you customers are not likely to go anywhere else.
This is England the only place damper in winter is Ireland for fecks sake.
When a Southeastern guard was asked why the trains are so bad his brilliant explanation was “well it is winter” is it? That crept up on us I didn’t see that coming. Did we have this winter thing last year?
This week we were warned by some government committee that the trains in 2014 are going to be overcrowded and provide a terrible service. I think southeastern are ahead of their time. It’s the first target they have beaten without fudging the figures.
Maybe they should change the company tagline to something like.
“Don’t wait until 2014 for your crap rail service. Travel with Southeastern and get it now.”
Guess what this mornings train in was over 10 minutes late so only one more train to make a perfect score for the week.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
This morning's rant is brought to you by the letter R for "retards".
It is not strictly a Southeastern problem as its about the retards at London bridge. But I am willing to blame them as it's like wearing a Nazi uniform they are all tarred with the same brush.
When my train got to London bridge the announcer said "I am sorry but a passenger has been taken ill and this train will be stuck here for a while. if you want to make alternate arrangements to get to Cannon Street I suggest you do." So I get my coat and bag and get off.
At this point there was a train on the other platform with its doors open. Standing by this train was a fucktard in his bright yellow tabard blowing his whistle. He cannot be blowing it for the train I have just got off can he. I point at him "this one or that one?" he just blows his whistle and behind me the doors on the train shut and it moves off. "What The F&*k" it was the fastest I have seen a train leave a platform just because I was not on it.
When questioned the fucktard says I was blowing my whistle I couldn't be any clearer. Well you might have started by not standing next to another train with its doors open. Or maybe even used that white and black paddle you wave around like a fly swatter, to point at the leaving train. I am astounded by the quality of customer service and the staff that are in the employee of the railways.
Rant over.
Nick.
When my train got to London bridge the announcer said "I am sorry but a passenger has been taken ill and this train will be stuck here for a while. if you want to make alternate arrangements to get to Cannon Street I suggest you do." So I get my coat and bag and get off.
At this point there was a train on the other platform with its doors open. Standing by this train was a fucktard in his bright yellow tabard blowing his whistle. He cannot be blowing it for the train I have just got off can he. I point at him "this one or that one?" he just blows his whistle and behind me the doors on the train shut and it moves off. "What The F&*k" it was the fastest I have seen a train leave a platform just because I was not on it.
When questioned the fucktard says I was blowing my whistle I couldn't be any clearer. Well you might have started by not standing next to another train with its doors open. Or maybe even used that white and black paddle you wave around like a fly swatter, to point at the leaving train. I am astounded by the quality of customer service and the staff that are in the employee of the railways.
Rant over.
Nick.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Power of attraction
So last night I saw the power of attraction in work. Andy my train buddy and me were stuck in London trying to get home when all the trains were cancelled from Cannon Street. At Cannon Street I knew things were going to go bad when I got close to the station its was very crowded on the streets and there were flashing blues lights of two police cars sitting outside.
No one was being allowed inside the station people were starting to spill out onto the street, there was a lonely guard standing there telling people they were not coming in. No other info as to why all the trains were cancelled the boards had no info just a single train that was classed as on time even though it was 10 minutes past when it should have arrived. I think the coppers were there to stop it kicking off.
I still haven’t found out what happened! Anyone got any ideas, was it because the builders from the commonwealth games have taken over running the railway? I think it might do a better job than the muppets who run it now.
So we took a trip on the hell express or underground as its known, which didn’t go smoothly first tube was a circle line until we got on it then it changed to going to Barking only. Jump off wait for next etc. Andy was grumbling with me by this point about how crap it all is etc. We finally got to St Pancras went into the MS shop there to get a beer to take on the train. The guard would not let us on the train with our ticket he told us we need to get an upgrade Buggers. No free travel just because the service is useless. I bet you are wondering where the power of attraction is coming in well, Andy was muttering about how crap everything is. At this point he opened his can of beer and it was off Nightmare!!! Now if he could just attract the lottery numbers as well as he attracted the crap beer he would be onto a winner.
Nick.
No one was being allowed inside the station people were starting to spill out onto the street, there was a lonely guard standing there telling people they were not coming in. No other info as to why all the trains were cancelled the boards had no info just a single train that was classed as on time even though it was 10 minutes past when it should have arrived. I think the coppers were there to stop it kicking off.
I still haven’t found out what happened! Anyone got any ideas, was it because the builders from the commonwealth games have taken over running the railway? I think it might do a better job than the muppets who run it now.
So we took a trip on the hell express or underground as its known, which didn’t go smoothly first tube was a circle line until we got on it then it changed to going to Barking only. Jump off wait for next etc. Andy was grumbling with me by this point about how crap it all is etc. We finally got to St Pancras went into the MS shop there to get a beer to take on the train. The guard would not let us on the train with our ticket he told us we need to get an upgrade Buggers. No free travel just because the service is useless. I bet you are wondering where the power of attraction is coming in well, Andy was muttering about how crap everything is. At this point he opened his can of beer and it was off Nightmare!!! Now if he could just attract the lottery numbers as well as he attracted the crap beer he would be onto a winner.
Nick.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Customer satisfaction 2
I managed to get a customer satisfaction survey on my train in this morning. So my paranoia was unjustified and SouthEastern are not watching me, unless they read my blog and realised I was on to them. I will keep my eye on any of the SouthEastern Stasi (revenue enforcement officers to give them their official name) who watch me for too long. If I disappear on the way to work would someone please come looking for me.
Anyway I had these 4 sheets of A4 stapled together in front of me. This is it I am going to tell you MoFo's what I really think of you!. A quick flit through revealed that there was nowhere to leave other comments it was just a multiple choice. I rummaged through my bag for a pen and began. I only had a blue pen with me not very subversive, so I am now packing a red pen in my bag just in case I get another survey, I will show you!.
The usual of little relevance questions followed "blah blah train cleanliness" blah helpfulness of staff, how safe do you feel" etc. But there was this gem which had me laughing at SouthEastern's delusional state. "Thinking of any journeys where there has been disruption. How do you feel SouthEastern solved the problem. " they had the usual options "very well" "not very" etc but these best option was. "No disruptions encountered" are you friggin joking is this option for people travelling for the first time without their mum for one stop on a off peak train, that's the only way you might travel on SouthEastern without any disruption.
Nick.
Anyway I had these 4 sheets of A4 stapled together in front of me. This is it I am going to tell you MoFo's what I really think of you!. A quick flit through revealed that there was nowhere to leave other comments it was just a multiple choice. I rummaged through my bag for a pen and began. I only had a blue pen with me not very subversive, so I am now packing a red pen in my bag just in case I get another survey, I will show you!.
The usual of little relevance questions followed "blah blah train cleanliness" blah helpfulness of staff, how safe do you feel" etc. But there was this gem which had me laughing at SouthEastern's delusional state. "Thinking of any journeys where there has been disruption. How do you feel SouthEastern solved the problem. " they had the usual options "very well" "not very" etc but these best option was. "No disruptions encountered" are you friggin joking is this option for people travelling for the first time without their mum for one stop on a off peak train, that's the only way you might travel on SouthEastern without any disruption.
Nick.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Customer Satisfaction
I don't know if I am paranoid or Southeastern are just watching me, or some other higher government agency that reports on people who cause and spread the word of dissatisfaction, But yesterday when I was working from home those buggers at Southeastern came round with a customer satisfaction survey.
My travel buddy Andy was on the rain and had a big red pen to write down his dissatisfaction about the cost, the time keeping and (so bad they are worth repeating) the cost and time keeping.
I am upset that I didn't get my chance to vent on one of their papers. So I thought they are a progressive company they will have an online version on the web site. Will they foock...
But I did find this little gem of info on the site.
On Wednesday 15 September 2060 services were scheduled to operate of which 2040 ran.
We aim to run all our trains on time, however there are times when this isn't possible. On this day 96% of services ran within 5 minutes of schedule.
So when they are creating the statistics they don't massage the figures much but they also do not include the cancelled trains in the on time statistics. Worthy of a government poll those figures are.
My travel buddy Andy was on the rain and had a big red pen to write down his dissatisfaction about the cost, the time keeping and (so bad they are worth repeating) the cost and time keeping.
I am upset that I didn't get my chance to vent on one of their papers. So I thought they are a progressive company they will have an online version on the web site. Will they foock...
But I did find this little gem of info on the site.
On Wednesday 15 September 2060 services were scheduled to operate of which 2040 ran.
We aim to run all our trains on time, however there are times when this isn't possible. On this day 96% of services ran within 5 minutes of schedule.
So when they are creating the statistics they don't massage the figures much but they also do not include the cancelled trains in the on time statistics. Worthy of a government poll those figures are.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Late again.
The trains were over 15 minutes late this morning.
I am thinking about adding all the time up that they are late and working out how many hours of my life are stolen by Southeastern.
But I think if I do I might just go a bit postal and go on a rampage though the head office.
The reason the train was late was due to a tree on the line at Tonbridge, a signal failure in the Hither Green area and congestion at London bridge.
I think the real reason was that it rained a little bit this morning.
The Muppet announcer at Cannon street had a field day he was so excited relaying all the problems that he forgot to mention that we "should not leave any luggage unattended on the train or platform" or "please have your travel cards ready for inspection at the gate line" like any of the half wits sitting on the gates ever look at your tickets.
They just stand there looking like someone you would expect to see in a freak show audition queue doing their best to ignore you if the gate doesn't accept your tickets.
I still think I will start to top up the time that is wasted on the train. I will see how we go for a month, if it makes me cry I might stop.
I am thinking about adding all the time up that they are late and working out how many hours of my life are stolen by Southeastern.
But I think if I do I might just go a bit postal and go on a rampage though the head office.
The reason the train was late was due to a tree on the line at Tonbridge, a signal failure in the Hither Green area and congestion at London bridge.
I think the real reason was that it rained a little bit this morning.
The Muppet announcer at Cannon street had a field day he was so excited relaying all the problems that he forgot to mention that we "should not leave any luggage unattended on the train or platform" or "please have your travel cards ready for inspection at the gate line" like any of the half wits sitting on the gates ever look at your tickets.
They just stand there looking like someone you would expect to see in a freak show audition queue doing their best to ignore you if the gate doesn't accept your tickets.
I still think I will start to top up the time that is wasted on the train. I will see how we go for a month, if it makes me cry I might stop.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The magnetic power of bridges.
I managed to make my early train home on Monday and guess what it was late. By only 15 minutes which is not bad really I mean that only adds up to 2 and 1/2 hours a week extra on the train if they keep this up.
Then amazingly I managed to make my early train on Tuesday I thought that's well it won't be late this time not with southeasterns 98% trains on time success rate. But noooo the train left London Bridge got up to a grand speed of about 20 miles an hour then slowed down to about 5 and didn't get any faster.
I was lucky enough to be standing (you cannot get a seat if you don't get to the train 20 minutes before it goes) in the aisle to listen to the guard ring the driver and ask what was going on.
The train was running on a caution (whatever that means maybe it had been bad before and was close to getting a train ASBO).
Then after another agonising 10 minutes to travel 2 miles he gets on the blower and talks to the driver again.
The excuse broadcast to the train was that someone has hit a bridge. I don't know if he made it up or its true but I must have heard the same excuse at least 12 times in the last 4 years.
So my questions are:
What kind of magnetic materials are they using that draw in cars that would normally manage to drive through the big gap in the middle?
Do the drivers of trains really get a message from the signal men/women or do they just have a little book of excuses that they use?
Where do southeastern get there statistics from? Do they use the Sex Panther (Anchorman film) statistics of "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time."
Then amazingly I managed to make my early train on Tuesday I thought that's well it won't be late this time not with southeasterns 98% trains on time success rate. But noooo the train left London Bridge got up to a grand speed of about 20 miles an hour then slowed down to about 5 and didn't get any faster.
I was lucky enough to be standing (you cannot get a seat if you don't get to the train 20 minutes before it goes) in the aisle to listen to the guard ring the driver and ask what was going on.
The train was running on a caution (whatever that means maybe it had been bad before and was close to getting a train ASBO).
Then after another agonising 10 minutes to travel 2 miles he gets on the blower and talks to the driver again.
The excuse broadcast to the train was that someone has hit a bridge. I don't know if he made it up or its true but I must have heard the same excuse at least 12 times in the last 4 years.
So my questions are:
What kind of magnetic materials are they using that draw in cars that would normally manage to drive through the big gap in the middle?
Do the drivers of trains really get a message from the signal men/women or do they just have a little book of excuses that they use?
Where do southeastern get there statistics from? Do they use the Sex Panther (Anchorman film) statistics of "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time."
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